Prince Juan Paco and The Divine Wicked Strawberry Chocolate.

This was not written by me, nor do I find such banal humor funny.

Published with permission by - Guillermo Maria del Toro Gomez

Juan Paco was a handsome prince. So handsome in fact, that all the women of the swap meet swooned paisley when he glanced in their general direction. But none pleased him.

It was a fair spring day when Juan Paco found himself following a sweet ass attached to a beautiful woman, and on this sweet ass was a small white rabbit's tail. His heart pumped like mad and with a lunge he had mounted her. But no sooner had he began to hump her that he began to be sucked down her rabbit butt hole.

Which is when Juan Paco discovered that the pen was mightier than the sword, especially when tucked between his right testicle and thigh. Seeing the pen sticking out of his folds of skin, Juan Paco realized he was not wearing pants. But it didn't matter, he had in his possession a box. Smiling and petting it, he placed it next to a bag of salted pistachios to admire. Printed along the top in glitter were the words, Divine Wicked Strawberry Chocolate. It was more than a Paco snack, much much more.

Wary of the roaming eyes of other Pacos, he hid the box deep in his van. He had found it underneath a dead El Hombre De La Basura Blanca and now its magic belonged to him. But before placing his special box away, and while safe in the privacy of his van, he opened it and selected a pill of the chocolate flavor. Only De La Basura Blanca would have known that the four flavors were LSD, Ketamine, MDMA and Mescaline. Each category had two rows of pills; one with a strong dosage and one with a weak dosage. The strong being for the tour guide, and the weak for the ladies.

It is not so bad ....... being a tour guide, thought Juan Paco.

-- Unfortunately Prince Juan Paco was run over by his tour van and we won't be able to finish the rest of this story.

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and The Divine Wicked Strawberry Chocolate.

But no wait! there is more..... Prince Juan Paco survived the incident and made a full recovery.

Which is when Juan Paco discovered that the pen was mightier than the sword, especially when tucked between his right testicle and thigh.

Scribbling in Mexican the adventures of the day past Juan Paco placed his pen back into his favorite spot for pens and wept for all the ladies who would never experience him .... and his box of Divine Wicked Strawberry Chocolate.

Taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes, Juan Paco began to plan out in his mind, which is the way Juan Paco liked to plan.

He and a lady would begin with a light breakfast fortified with amino acids, B Complex vitamins, electrolights and some protein del la huevos. Then they would pack lunch into a backpack which Juan Paco would carry under his bulging muscles. Once ready to depart, Juan Paco would open his box and ask her flavor.

Halfway through their hike things would start to wiggle and shift. This is when Juan Paco would show his prowess leaping from boulder to boulder. What grace, what power, what prow ........ ess, she would say.

Ahhh..... the things he would show her. The vultures, the heights of the mountains, the soft tendrils of clouds, and most importantly, his love. Insecurity, guilt, even fear, would have no place to hide. They would burn to ash beneath the fire of his love.

Ahem . . . .

And so the day would go as Juan Paco imagined it. At night he would invite her to sample a variety of fine foods and when that was done, the music would begin. After showing her his moves, he would invite her to find her groove. She would be dazzling; a display of pure female confidence. And together they would fall into love again and again. That's just super, Juan Paco thought to himself.

Ahem . . . .

And so the night would go as Juan Paco imagined it, and in the morning a fresh lady would be waiting outside his tour van for him. But alas Juan Paco foresaw the end. One of the ladies would invoke the ghost of boobies past and try to own Juan Paco all for herself, and the magic would end.

“Juan Paco, don't chu love me?” she would ask.

“Of course I love chu,” Juan Paco would answer.

“Then why don't you stay with me and take care of me?” she would ask.

“Chu need to make some friends essay,” he would answer.

Seeing her distraught he would go on, “Listen baby, if chu need something from me, all chu have to do is ask and I will choose whether or not I want to do it. But if I am staying with chu, like chu own me, then I will have no choice and begin to resent chu more and more.

“Deez chocolates have made me no longer want to have ladies raise paquisimos for me that will take care of me when I am old. So what are we creating together?

“What could chu possibly offer me that would make me want to take care of only chour needs all of da time? Chu are not the only lady with boobies.”

Ahem . . . .

And so .... with his consciousness so expanded, Juan Paco transcended the reality of the swap meet.

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and The Divine Wicked Strawberry Chocolate.