Prince Juan Paco and la Robusteza del Sexo

This was not written by me, nor do I find such banal humor funny.
Published with permission by - Guillermo Maria del Toro Gomez

Juan Paco was a handsome prince. So handsome in fact, that all the women of the swap meet swooned paisley when he glanced in their general direction. But none pleased him.

It was a fair spring day when a new woman came to the swap meet. From what Juan Paco could see, peering between his bags of salted pistachios, her breasts were very large. So large, that she had to walk with a strange backward leaning gait to compensate. Quickly Juan Paco primped his curls and strutted over to her booth.

“Hey baby, what's new?” called Juan Paco, heading off the other men that were approaching fast.
Looking up from the artichokes she was selling, she met Juan Paco's eyes and swooned paisley.

“Senator Kennedy was hospitalized after a seizure today,“ she said after leaning back slightly to regain her balance.

Completely ignoring her response, Juan Paco's eyes were drawn to what looked like a tattoo on her thigh, but only the word Mexico was visible out from under her tight mini skirt. Seeing her swoon for him, he felt he had the upper hand and decided to play direct. “Hey, I gots the same tattoo as you do right here,” he said pointing to his crotch. “Chu wanna see?”

The woman's head cocked slightly looking at Juan Paco's finger then to his crotch, when suddenly a phat beat seemed to come out of her breasts and her lips began to move to the chorus of his favorite song.

“
My eyes on the prize and I really want you.
I see you starin back baby what chu wanna do?
You lookin kinda cute, and I wanna talk to you.
Tell me what it is baby what chu wanna do?
“

Juan Pao tried to answer her but was paralyzed by her pupils which seemed to be dilating to the beat.

“
What chu wanna do?
We can ride to the crib, penthouse with a view

What chu wanna do?
Well baby, tell me is it cool if I bring a friend too?

What chu wana do?
Say it loud in the crowd with your bad attitude

What chu wanna do?
“


“YES, Baby!” Juan Paco blurted out as her breast stopped vibrating. This is ridiculous, thought Juan Paco, I have never felt this way before; I feel like such a tool, but I can't help it.

“It's like, I have no choice baby. I am having to want chu,” said Juan Paco as he blushed and grabbed an artichoke in each of his manly hands and squeezed them.

“I am here to relieve you of your biological urge to procreate so that you may choose more consciously what to do with your limited life span,” said the woman calmly, “Now place your big chunk in my microwave you sweaty man.”

“Thank you . . .” gaped Juan Paco as tears began to form at the corners of his eyes.

With a slight nod the woman took the artichokes out of Juan Paco's hands and led him into her van. They made love all day and and all night and it was just super. In the morning Juan Paco noticed the tattoo and gasped, it said 'Robusteza del Sexo hecho en Mexico',

“But baby, chu are a sex robot from Mexico?” asked Juan Paco feeling strange.

She simply nodded and went back to her booth. That day Juan felt no need to look for women to inseminate and instead began to read up on science and fashion. By evening, he had made some stylish alterations to his pistachio booth and found out why the sky was blue. He felt like a new prince, no longer bound to his body's ruthless tide of hormonal prompting.

Skipping along the isles between booths, Juan Paco began to wonder what he might make out of his limited life span. The sounds of children playing in the parking lot made him pause. Juan Paco no longer felt the physical desire to make babies, but knew that if he didn't pass along his genes to the next generation, there would be nothing left of him to live on into the future.

Right then Juan Paco fell to his knees and began to cry. Hearing him la Robusteza del Sexo quickly came over to him and began soothing him with her boooooobies.

“Why do you cry my prince? You father has purchased me so in order to empower you to make more out of your life,” said la Robusteza del Sexo.

Suckling onto a breast, Juan Paco began to feel calm and slightly erect, and as Robusteza del Sexo nurtured him in her van he fell into a tranquil sleep and dreamt of having children and grandchildren. When he awoke he could see la Robusteza del Sexo selling artichokes at her booth from out of the van's window. Juan Paco knew that he was trapped, he could never leave those massive breasts, but if he stayed with her his dream of creating many children would never be fulfilled.

Seeing no other recourse, Juan Paco began a hunger strike. If he no longer had the energy to have an erection perhaps he could escape from la Robusteza del Sexo. At first Juan Paco's plan worked and his body became so week that even her dry humping his leg no longer aroused him. Unfortunately la Robusteza del Sexo was designed to work around a flaccid penis and began injections of Viagra. With his body so weak, Juan Paco died tragically as a martyr for all men who wish to find meaning in their lives.

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and la Robusteza del Sexo.


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