Prince Juan Paco and La Pequeña Muerte

This was not written by me, nor do I find such banal humor funny.

Published with permission by - Guillermo Maria del Toro Gomez

Juan Paco was a handsome prince. So handsome in fact, that all the women of the swap meet swooned paisley when he glanced in their general direction. But none pleased him.

It was a fair spring day when Juan Paco was making love inside his van. He had only just met the chica and found her to be satisfactory, but only a little more so than masturbating. Being slightly non-aroused, the sex went on and on. Juan Paco began to think of other things, like nachos. At first he felt conflicted, but then he let the fantasy take hold of him and before long his erection turned rock solid and upon orgasm something went wrong. Instead of ejaculating with a yell of “Pacooooo” Juan Paco's world went dark.

The chica nudged him and he awoke. Awkwardly they both put back on their clothes and left the van without saying a word. Juan Paco went back to his pistachio booth and began worriedly eating his own wares. He tried not to think about what happened, but each time he cracked open a pistachio shell and bit into the seeds soft meat he felt the darkness enclosing him, like a fine velvet coffin.

Beautiful agony, cosmic orgasm, to live for death, to eat nachos. The rapture came and left Juan Paco nearly all day and gradually as night began to fall so too did he begin lose the feeling. Like a favorite loose tooth now gone, Juan Paco wanted it back, needed it back.

Again and again he tried to masturbate while thinking about nachos. As fast as he moved his hand, he only felt as though he were riding a wave of stimulation. Be he wanted to be drowned. Tired and sore he gave up and cried himself to sleep.

It was a fair spring day when he awoke, and with his mind set, he ran straight to the elderly care home to consult El Rey Paco.

“Ahhh, La Pequeña Muerte,” said El Rey in reverence.

“But what iz it padre?” asked Juan Paco.

“It is, and it isn't. It is nothing and everything. It is the burger with cheese and not with with cheese my paquito.” answered El Rey.

Juan Paco had never heard El Rey speak in this manner, and felt a chill run down his spine.

“Juan,” said El Rey seriously, “Chu must cherish this experience as it is the gateway to heaven. Very few Pacos ever had the honor of feeling La Pequeña Muerte unless they are experienced at autoerotic asphyxiation, which I do not recommend.”

“Yes, El Rey, I will cherish it,” said Juan Paco as he rose to leave.

“Wait my paquito. There lies a danger ahead....” said El Rey holding Juan Paco's shoulder and closing his eyes.

“Yes padre?” asked Juan Paco.

“Chu mustn't ..... “ El Rey began but could not finish the sentence, as he had fallen asleep out.

Leaving El Rey, Juan Paco ran back to the swap meet and searched all over for the not-so-attractive woman he had rendezvoused with earlier. But she was not to be found. So instead he settled on another unattractive woman of which there were plenty. Back in his van, it began as before and as the image of nachos came to his mind and transformed into his hand being thrust deeply into nachos, his heart began to beat like a race horse and the sensation of his gyrating penis began to make him go insane with pleasure, then ...... the gateway to heaven opened and he found himself drifting through the cosmos.

God was approaching Juan Paco, when as suddenly as La Pequeña Muerte arrived, all went black and Juan Paco lay dead.

At that very moment El Rey awoke, “Juan!” he cried, “My Paquito, be careful of hitting chour head on sharp objects when chu pass out, essay.”

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and La Pequeña Muerte.