Prince Juan Paco and The Fine Spools

This was not written by me, nor do I find such banal humor funny.
Published with permission by - Guillermo Maria del Toro Gomez

Juan Paco was a handsome prince. So handsome in fact, that all the women of the swap meet swooned paisley when he glanced in their general direction. But none pleased him.

It was a fair spring day when a girl named Lydia came to the swap meet carrying many spools of fine thread; each one the color of a magical unicorn tail. All the women of the market wanted some to embroider the names of their lovers into their underwear. But Lydia was a keen bargainer, and by noon she had all the scissors and toilet seat covers she wanted.

Juan Paco was intrigued. There was something about this Lydia and her spools of thread that made Juan Paco feel like a little baby, and he liked feeling that way. Leaving his stand of salted and non-salted pistachios with two bags under his manly arms, he approached her.

When she saw him standing at her small booth with one bag of salted pistachios and one bag of non-salted pistachios she scratched her butt. So used to women swooning paisley, Juan Paco found himself at a loss for words.

Unfazed by Juan Paco’s tight tank, Lydia coolly asked him, “So you wanna gimme them nuts?”

Juan Paco blushed and meekly nodded, not feeling like a handsome prince at all. Looking down at her cardboard table and spools of fine silky thread, Juan Paco nearly started to cry. Tightening his ass and gritting his teeth, he suddenly thought of something to say.

“I like your spools,” rolled off his tongue in a way only Juan Paco could roll things off his tongue.

Lydia could tell Juan Paco was trouble, and so kept to her guns. “I’ll trade you one spool for one of your bags. No,” she paused and squinted at Juan Paco. “I want two bags of salted.”

Bobbing his head a little, considering the offer, Juan Paco smoothly said, “Okey baby,” and as he turned to leave he paused and turned back. “Dis bag iz salted, I leave it for you.” Without another word Juan Paco pivoted and strutted away.

As soon as Lydia was out of sight, Juan Paco sprinted to his booth dropped off the bag of stupid unsalted pistachios and grabbed a salted one. Running back to Lydia’s booth, he slowed to a strut. There was another man at the booth looking at her fine spools. This made Juan Paco feel jealous which wasn’t good for anyone. Juan Paco dropped his bag of salted pistachios on her cardboard table and flexed his manly arms. The other guy didn’t seem to notice, so Juan Paco grabbed one of the guy’s butt cheeks and squeezed hard.

Getting the cue, the other guy winced at Juan Paco’s strength and limped away. “Deez are your pistachios baby,” said Juan while beads of sweat collected on his forehead.

“Ok Mister. Here you go,” said Lydia holding out one of her fine spools.

Feeling brave and remembering he was a prince Juan Paco put his hand on his hip and spoke, “No. I am wanting one of those toilet seat covers in addition to your fine spool.”

“Listen Juan Paco, we had a deal,” said Lydia sharply.

“Do you want my salty pistachios or not?” said Juan Paco feeling he had the upper hand.

“I need those toilet seat covers,” Lydia said and shrugged.

“Why. How many toilets you got anyway?” asked Juan Paco.

“None of your business,” said Lydia.

“Hey baby, don’t get me wrong but your spools are not smelling so fine,” said Juan Paco while holding one of her fine spools to his nose.

Feeling he might be onto her secret, Lydia decided it would be safer if he knew the whole truth; having him snooping about her toilet seat covers would only arose suspicion. “I’ll tell you what,” she said softly turning on the charm. “Lets take a walk after the swap meet in the empty lot over there,” she pointed to the vacant parking lot behind the Wal Mart.

“Okey baby. I’ll take your spool for just the two bags of salted pistachios. See you later.” said Juan Paco barely able to keep in his excitement as he walked back to his booth.

He didn’t take any customers for the rest of the day while he pimped his curls and practiced moving his tongue quickly in circles. By the time the swap meet was over Juan Paco was ready for anything. He had packed his booth into his van and eaten some five-flavored nachos. Strutting to the vacant parking lot like the prince he was, Juan Paco did five pushups to make his muscles bulge.

Taking a breather he saw her. She had medium length brown hair and wore denim like it was made for her. Juan Paco was more than a little aroused when she came close and waved her hand.

Juan Paco made his move. With his tongue extended and moving in circles, his head lunged like a turkey vulture toward her. But she dodged and slapped him in the face. Juan Paco gasped and began to tear. “But baby?” he pleaded, “don’t you wanna Paco snack?”

Lydia smiled, “Listen honey, I don’t want you saying anything about my fine spools okey?”

“What’s up with your fine spools anyway? You are acting so strange? Like you kill babies or something,” said Juan Paco in a whimper.

Lydia blushed and hesitated before saying, “Listen honey, my fine spools they come from me.”

“From chu?” said Juan Paco cocking his head to one side. “But your hair is not nearly so silky and fine.”

To which, Lydia responded by pointing to her pants. Following her finger Juan Paco gasped, “You have to show me baby. I must see your fine silky hair.”

Lydia smiled and started unbuckling her belt. By the time she had taken it off Juan Paco was completely naked and flexing his small manhood. Giggling, Lydia took off her blouse and pulled down her denim jeans. Standing in front of each other naked Juan Paco looked confused at her pubic hairs.

“But, that’s not fine silky unicorn hair!” he stammered and his flexed manhood seemed to loose it steam.

Lydia looked down at herself and frowned then slowly turned around. What looked like a tail of fine silky hair was coming out of her butt hole. Juan Paco nearly fainted but regained his composure quickly and mounted her. They spent the night in Juan Paco’s van and it was just super. Lydia finally fell asleep while Juan Paco moved his tongue in circles around her fine silky hair. Sadly in the morning Lydia awoke to find her hair had become twisted in a knot around Juan Paco’s tongue. Juan Paco was dead.

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and The Fine Spools.