Prince Juan Paco and the Vaginal Banana Cancer Taste Test

This was not written by me, nor do I find such banal humor funny.
Published with permission by - Guillermo Maria del Toro Gomez

Juan Paco was a handsome prince. So handsome in fact, that all the women of the swap meet swooned paisley when he glanced in their general direction. But none pleased him.

It was a fair spring day when one of Juan Paco's chicas regularas, named Erin, was waking by and did not even glance to look at his pistachio booth. Rarely did Juan Paco feel the burn of jealousy but it just so happened that he slept alone the previous night crying for the want of her boobies. He had searched all the trailers and vans where she normally slept and but not find her, and now this dismissal. It was too much of a betrayal for him to bear.

Running up behind her, he punched her in the shoulder with all his might, knocking her to the ground. Her hands covered her face to ward off his kicks, but none came. Looking up she could see tears in Juan Paco's eyes.

“Where have you been baby?” Juan Paco cried out and bent down to touch her breasts.

Using her legs to scurry away from his touch, she rose to her feet and gently touched her bruised shoulder. “Juan, I am worried about somet'ing else,” she said changing the subject.

“What iz it, baby?” asked Juan Paco a bit relieved to have his mind taken off jealousy and abandonment.

“Let me show you,” she said and led Juan Paco back to his booth, then to his van which was parked behind it. Once they were both inside, Juan Paco could barely keep his hands off her, but deftly she batted away his advances and pulled a banana out of her purse.

Banana's made Juan Paco feel small and so he began to cry, “Baby, chu have left me for that?”

Not sure what he meant, Erin was afraid she might get hit again, and said, “no no baby, it doesn't move like you.”

Smiling, Juan Paco moved his tongue in circles toward her, but again she waved him off.

“Baby,” she said seriously and pulled down her mini skirt. Then before Juan Paco could put his penis inside as he was quickly taking off his pants, she peeled back the banana and placed its meat inside her vagina.

“Chu tricked me,” said Juan Paco hurt.

“No baby,” said Erin as she pulled it back out of her and took a bite. “It tastes like pizza,” she said concerned then handed the banana to Juan Paco. “I think I have cancer,” she said in a defeated tone as Juan Paco sniffed the banana and took a bite.

All Pacos knew that the vaginal banana cancer taste test was conclusive. “Iz ok baby. It always tastes like that,” said Juan Paco suddenly caught off guard. He could feel tears beginning to form and quickly he ran from the van and buried his face in a bag of non-salted pistachios.

He suddenly felt bad for all the times he had punched her. Now she was going to die. The abandonment was just too much for him. “Why!?” he cried into his pistachios so hard that his left big toe went numb. Soon Erin emerged from the van and for some time, stroked Juan Paco's primped curls.

“Juan,” she started. “Iz ok, we all die someday.”

“Noooo,” cried Juan Paco, “Chu can't leave me.”

“It seems hard now Juan, but soon you will forget all about me,” Erin replied.

His sadness turned to angry sobs and with a mighty blow Juan Paco broke Erin's nose. This, she took like a man, and pulled a tissue from her purse to collect the blood. “Iz ok baby,” she said as she reached out to console Juan Paco who was now crying again. But as she was about to touch his primped curls, he pushed her hand away and cried, “Chu are dead to me,” then ran from his booth into the night.

It wasn't long before Erin was no longer seen at the swap meet and Juan Paco began inseminating dozens of other chicas, but never again could he feel sensation in his left big toe.

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and the Vaginal Banana Cancer Taste Test.