Prince Juan Paco and The Gingos' Anus

This was not written by me, nor do I find such banal humor funny.

Published with permission by - Guillermo Maria del Toro Gomez

Juan Paco was a handsome prince. So handsome in fact, that all the women of the swap meet swooned paisley when he glanced in their general direction. But none pleased him.

It was a fair spring day when Juan Paco noticed his finely shaped ass was beginning to show the signs of excess fat. So after primping his curls and placing his running shorts on, Juan Paco swiftly ran behind the swap meet, around the Wall-Mart and down the small road heading out of town.

It wasn't long before Juan Paco began to feel sweat running down his thighs, and being so lubed Juan Paco naturally became aroused. Down the road he could see a car heading toward him and rather than be caught jogging with an erection Juan Paco took off across the desert. I took him nearly two hours to find a large enough bush to offer him shelter and within seconds he ejaculated and it was just super. Feeling ready to head back to his pistachio booth, Juan Paco rubbed the sweat from his eyes, and in doing so became so disoriented that lost all sense of bearing.

After several more hours of wandering through the desert, Juan Paco's only thoughts were on survival. He knew nothing about life in the desert such as the sucking of moisture from tubers, and so he traveled on and on. Nearly dead, Juan Paco spun in circles trying to examine the effects of dehydration on his own ass and eventually collapsed, regretting having masturbated. With a sudden burst of energy Juan Paco flailed his limbs in a tiffy and to his surprise his foot struck something. Looking up Juan Paco saw a fence that spanned as far as he could see.

Enlivened by the sight, Juan Paco stood and began to follow along it, and before long his bleary eyes saw a 7-11 not far from him on the other side. There were white people all around it drinking slurpees and looking fat. Juan Paco couldn't believe his eyes. He shook on the fence but no one seemed to notice him. He yelled with all his might, but no one seemed to hear his calls for help. The white folk waddled into their mini vans and drove off, leaving Juan Paco there to die.

Falling to the ground and crying Juan Paco noticed a section of the fence that was in need of repair and crawled through it. As soon as he was through four fat white men came out of the 7-11 and began talking amongst themselves in angry white speak and pointing at Juan Paco who was crawling toward them.

“Hey Paco!” said one of the white men in a Texan accent.

Hearing his name, Juan Paco began to rise. Standing at full height his bulging muscles began to make the white men feel like little fat girls, and so they muttered angrily to themselves.

“Rot nud toaxast zis wholo Paxace pit rossen,” said one of the white men to another in Texan.

“Hey Paco,” continued the white man. “Your kind are breeding somethin' crazy down there.”

Juan Paco could barley understand the white speak and was feeling very much like a slurpee and so began to walk past the white men. This startled them, and together they grabbed him by his primped curls and yanked him to the ground. Never having been treated like a woman before, Juan Paco began to cry.

“I am a Prince!” he cried.

“Listen Paco,” said one of the white men as he kicked him. “You Paco's shoulda never got off the Arc.”

“Chu mean like Moses and stuff?” asked Juan Paco confused and hurt.

After more deliberation in white speak the four white men hog-tied Juan Paco and placed him in the back of a pickup and with a whack Juan Paco was unconscious. Many hours later he awoke in a basement tied to a chair. When the four men noticed he was awake they approached him. One was holding a stack of Playboy magazines while the other three were holding various knives.

Boobies, erection, then pain happened over and over to poor Juan Paco. For days the men tried to recondition Juan Paco's brain to not be aroused by naked women, and thereby lower the Paco breeding rate. But nothing worked. Upon desperation one of the white men cut into Juan Paco's brain and removed his neo cortex, and something unexpected happened.

Juan Paco's limbic system began to speak.

“Identification Sex Robot 1002003019,” said Juan Paco with no accent whatsoever.

“Haxat zo whorr?” muttered the white men to each other in Texan.

“Did you say you're a robot?” asked one of the white men.

“Affirmative, identification Sex Robot 1002003019,” answered Juan Paco again.

“Who made you?” asked another white man.

“I was grown inside El Reina who was inseminated by El Rey Paco,” answered Juan Paco.

“This Paco's gone crazy,” said one of the white men.

“I am not crazy,” answered Juan Paco. “By removing my neo cortex you have restored me to my original programming. In order to survive I must copulate. Please examine my anus and you will see.”

“See what?” asked one of the white men aghast.

“Let's take a peek,” said one of the white men who always wanted an excuse to look closely at a Paco's anus.

All the men felt the same way, and with no argument they took off Juan Paco's pants and spread his butt cheeks. At first they were struck by the dark coloration and lack of hair, but then as they drew closer they could see what looked like a tattoo coming out of it. Curious and curiouser they probed their fingers inside to widen Juan Paco's sphincter and thereby see the rest of the tattoo.

“Robustezo del Sexo hecho en Mexico!” read one of the men aghast.

“Nooooo!” cried the white men.

“Why would someone create these Paco breeding machines?” ask one of the men to no one in particular.

“We were created millions of years ago to survive,” answered Juan Paco. “In order to survive I must induce copulation with the ladies.”

“He has a point there,” said one of the white men.

“What are you saying?” said another white man but then he noticed the other white man was looking at his ass. “No, it can't be.....” he said aghast and ripped off his pants and spread open his butt cheeks. “Well!?” he asked?

“Sex Robot Made in Texas” read one of the men aghast.

“Nooooo!” cried the white men as they realized the truth; they were all sex robots.

Saddened by this, the white men realized that the only reason they themselves did not breed as quickly as Pacos, was that their women would not allow them to. And so they set out to educate women across the world.

Juan Paco died from brain damage.

So ends the story of Prince Juan Paco and The Gingos' Anus.